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Core Lesson 5
Acceptance ~ Detach with Love ~ Pursue Life
Detach: [verb] to separate yourself from someone or something
Detachment is neither
kind nor unkind.
It does not imply
of the person or situation
from which we are
It is simply a means
that allows us
to separate ourselves
from the adverse effects
that another person's
can have upon
~ Alcoholics Anonymous ~
Some family members cringe when the discussion turns to detachment. There is a misunderstanding that detaching from
a person is an attempt to disown or reject them. That's wrong.
We don't detach from relationship. Sons will always be sons. Parents will always be parents. Love remains. Yet for a season
of time we may need to allow a type of separation in one or
* emotionally * physically
* financially * in fellowship
Detachment includes removing ourselves from unhealthy roles. We stop manipulating situations (paying bills, providing transportation, etc.) that have hindered our adult loved ones
from taking on adult responsibilities. Our continued rescuing
or controlling screams out: "You're lucky to have me help
you through life because you couldn't make it without me!"
Whoa! No more of this unhealthy behavior. We need to change our role in the environment. It's creating toxic resentment . . . for everyone involved.
One challenge that can mentally block family from detachment is the responsibility we feel when we have the insight that addiction is a disease. Our loved ones are suffering and we want to support them but that doesn't mean we should step into the role of a professional. If someone we love requires an operation to remove a tumor, we would never step in as the surgeon. Yet we turn our home into a detox or rehab center. We assume the role of the therapist - or perhaps the role of God. Does the Lord provide healing? Does God desire restoration? ~ Yes! ~ So, let's face this honestly - we may be hindering the healing process with our interference and good intentions.
In order to protect ourselves from suffering, we may need to separate physically or emotionally for a
season of time. This is not a forever "get-out-of-my-face-I-hate-you" step. No! This is a calm, rational decision to lovingly "separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person's choices" or
behaviors or environment has upon our lives. It may be necessary to say:
"I love you unconditionally. But for now
- there are conditions on my involvement in your life."
Even if our loved one is living in a different residence or on the streets, emotionally detaching with love may still be needed for our well-being. When we separate ourselves from the physical or emotional environment and set boundaries, the result can be a stronger and healthier relationship. Taking care of ourselves an act of love. Yes. Seriously! We pursue a fulfilling life regardless of circumstances.
When ones we love witness the intentional changes
we make to live a healthier, prosperous life
- it gives them hope to pursue recovery for themselves.
For over a decade, we allowed our lives to be held hostage
in the world of addiction . . . trapped in the chaos of crisis.
Read more from the entire lesson.
Finally we held each other accountable to trust the spiritual
process the Lord put in place for our son. We received His healing
of our hearts and health ~ of relationships and purpose for life.